ONLY FOR YOU DEAR.

Even if no one can hear you, I guess it's a good idea to put things on paper, or in a blog, because sometimes, there are things that you can't tell to anyone. Whether a happy moments, or sad, or any other emotions, just write it down, so that it is easier to sort through your thoughts. So what if nobody pays attention. 

WHO CARES ? at least you're able to express yourself. It's hard to keep things just to yourself alone. 

Yes you have your FRIENDS, but what if it's all about them ? 

So yeah. this whole thing is about that. About Friends. Well just one Friend. & it drives me crazy because I can't tell this to anyone. Okay. I hate her. I really do. But she's my friend so what can I do ?! Call me PLASTIC or whatever, but I just really hate her NOW. I don't know what went wrong. I just woke up one day starting to hate her because of every little thing she does. I don't have guts to talk to her because she's my friend. She's one of my CLOSEST friend. :( Alright, I know I should talk to her right now instead of ranting here, but I just can't. For some reason, I CAN'T :'(  

Well I have my reasons. NO. She gave me reasons !

1. She LIED to me for so many times. Just a simple lies, but helooo ? What is wrong ? What is wrong with her ! She keeps on making excuses. & what's worse  ? She keep on lying even though I already know the truth. It's okay if she doesn't want me around. It's okay if she doesn't want my presence. I'm perfectly fine with that ! Just tell the truth. Just say it straight to my face. 

( So now I realized why I can't talk to her about this stuff. Because I learned it from her.  I learned from the MASTER. )

Now we're both GREAT PRETENDERS. PLASTIC. FAKE. Name it. That's who we are right now.

FAKE FRIENDS.

2. Just because you now have your so called "LOVELIFE" , doesn't mean that you need to abandon your friends. Okay ? & to support this theory, go back to number 1. DO NOT LIE.

3. ATTENTION SEEKER.

In a very annoying way.  God. She's not like this before. What happened. ?

- EVERYTHING CHANGES. So do you.

4. DRAMA QUEEN. 

ME: 

I should include this to number 3, but hell no, I want a separate number for this one, because she's such a drama queen NOW. I thought twas only me, but I guess someone stole my crown. Well at least I'm making sense to my stories, AND, I know where & when to be such a drama queen. But to her ? Gosh. 

She's such a PRO !

 Okay friend. I get it. You have your problems, & you need a friend to talk to, & seek advice, or just simply someone who will listen. But you don't have to repeat that for like 100 times, & don't be so paranoid to think that EVERY situation is a sign for you, whether to go or not. Not everything is about you. You have your problems. I have mine. WE ALL HAVE PROBLEMS. okay ?

5. "Where the hell are you when I needed a FRIEND."

I'm always there for you. When you need help, when you need someone to talk to, when you feel like you're such a mess. I'm right there beside you . Comforting you. Texting you. Reminding you. 

BEING A FRIEND TO YOU. You know that. 

But where the hell are you when I needed a friend ? You should know when I'm upset, sad, frustrated, disappointed. You should know that because WE'RE FRIENDS. But I guess I'm the only one who does. I'm not asking for anything in return whenever I helped you, but come on. Can you just be a friend to me ? :(

6. Go back to number 1 up to number 5. Because that's what happens all the time. 

It's like a routine. a perfect routine !

_____________________________________________________________

I may be a bad friend for hating  A FRIEND of mine. But I realized, being too NICE gets you nowhere.

In the end, only few will stay right beside you. The real ones. Your REAL Friends.

 I've been so nice to her. I'm one of her REAL friend, She can attest to that. But she ruined our friendship. We can still be friends, I know. But it's going to be different. She can still trust me. That's for sure. But I don't know if I can still share everything to her. There's no TRUST issues here, but the moment she turned the tables around, It's not the same anymore. It's not the same.

Still, I'm not going to confront her. I'm not going to ask her. What I want is for her to realize everything. It takes two people to tango. You cannot do it alone. Same thing in friendship. You need to be a friend, in order for you to have a friend. It's not going to be one-sided all the time. :)

- Ann Gelli :)