Thanks for dropping by !

His eyes. His lips. His smile. His face. 

His silly jokes, to his wise words full of wisdom. 

The way he looks, the way he looks at me. The way he talks, the way he talks to me. Just like that, my heart started pounding really fast, and my face started to glow. And I know I'm crazy because I barely know him, so I don't know. What the hell. Actually, I'm not attracted to him the first day we met. Maybe it had something to do with his awful short and brown sweatshirt which is kinda big for him. Next thing I know, I kept on looking at him and waiting for him all day to talk to me. It's weird but, in my head I've had this image of the guy I want to be with, then, the next day, he totally evolved to that kind of guy, my kind of guy. And we started to talk and laugh like there's no tomorrow. We had some serious conversation about his life, so I got to know him more. Maybe I like him, but I don't want these feelings to grow because I forgot to mention, he has a girlfriend. end of story. k. bye. 

But I'm glad we became friends :)

Helo ? I exist.

It sucks when people forget about you when you don't contact them. It sucks when people clearly doesn't  care enough to make some effort. It's sad to say that, the older we get, the more we grow apart. Yeah, I'm pissed. I'm sad.  But anyway, life is too short to be anything but happy.
I'm not sure if it's something like "drifting apart", but hold up, because the monsters in my head are finally taking over.

To whoever wrote this poem, I feel you.

Want to know the truth?
We are the fading ink on
Old, yellowing, wrinkled paper.
The empty pen that needs to be disposed.
We are the morning breeze;
Cool and refreshing,
Only to get a taste of the scorching sun
And become warm.
Our reality only exists because of
A few powerful, unforgettable memories.
And I have come to learn that
Sometimes we just need the flame
To flicker one last time and finally die down.
Because we are tired of the heat that burns us
Every time we cup our hands to preserve it.
And like a light bulb on the verge of becoming useless
Fighting in those last moments
For a little more time
We know in the end another will take its place
That bulb, tossed away
Will be the only proof of our existence.
I had hoped our bonds would be
Eternal and forever lasting;
Strong against the hurricanes
Threatening to destroy us
And the envious looks that
Silently jinx our very structure.
But I think they’ve succeeded
And we’ve started disintegrating
From the inside.
Cracks in the foundation became visible to all,
But we are blind.
Small arguments became full blown fights
And silence became
Our companion on those rough nights.
Our hearts ached for each other’s company,
But our egos stood in the way.
Here, I thought we could withstand
The broad chested wolf with burning lungs,
ready to exhale his destructive breath upon us.
Build a house of bricks that
Stood strong against every blow.
Only our house, I found, consisted of straw.
And we were vulnerable from the start.
Dear Friend, we lost.

- Ann Gelli

For the LAST time

So I decided to stay out of hell for this semester, I mean, school, since I have one free semester before my graduation. (Yeah. MY GRADUATION. HAHA.) although  that's so so so  far pa, one more year. lol. But it's amazing how time flies so fast :) Last time I remember, I am so depressed on how things turned out for me, and now it's a bit different.

But anyway that's not the topic that i want to spit out here. It's...... It's..... It's about... someone... -__- someone who means a lot to me, since my day 1 at college. Someone who doesn't care. I can still remember the last time I saw him, maybe that was the LAST. :) because he's already graduating this march, sooooo, have a nice life. You probably won't read this, but I wish you well :) btw, thank you so much for inspiring me to go to school every single dayyyy ! :p And this song is for you. hehe . because it's going to be the last time that I will write something about you. (yeah. promise.) You know, the 'art of letting go'.

We were never the marrying type, oh no,

We won't buy dishes or stained glass lights, oh no,

For a table we'll never sit at,

In the house that we won't ever get,

I won't wake up and pick out your tie, oh no,

You won't come home and kiss me at night, oh no,

We won't lie in this king bed for two,

Say goodbye to us saying "I dos,"

No more white picket fences,

No more lace veils or vows,

No more "You're the only one" 'cause that's all done with now,

This is the last love song I'll ever write for you,

This is the last love song I'll ever write for you,

Take these roses and this Jameson, oh no,

Find a subway that I can sit in, oh no,

Buy a one-way out of this city,

Everything that I need, got it with me,

No more white picket fences,

No more lace veils or vows,

No more "You're the only one" 'cause that's all done with now,

This is the last love song I'll ever write for you,

This is the last love song I'll ever write for you,

All these notes and all these words,

Are all that's left in me,

Bend these pages, count my woes,

One last song to set me free,

No more white picket fences,

No more lace veils or vows,

No more "You're the only one" 'cause that's all done with now,

This is the last love song I'll ever write for you,

This is the last love song I'll ever write for you,

This is the last love song I'll ever write for you,

This is the last love song I'll ever write for you, 

I clearly understand it, that it's a one sided kind of love. You're smiling and laughing, as I admire from the shadows, smiling for your happiness. (Gosh. I didn't realized that I'm dead serious about you.)  Now I see that, some things aren't worth waiting for. So I'm done hoping.... hoping for nothing... hopelessly hoping.  Because I deserve to be happy :) And I'm ready to be.

- Ann Gelli

"FAKE IS THE NEW TREND AND EVERYONE SEEMS TO BE IN STYLE"

Here's a short list of people that you will never ever  forget for the rest of your life.

NOTE: This is based on REALITY.......

1. People who keep on telling you that they're your friends, and then for some reason, you never heard anything from them (unless they want something). And I think that's cool. yeah.  lol **** you.

2. People who always talk about themselves, never interested about your life, and only talks about their own petty self inflicted stories. So what's the point of having bunch of people around you, who only look out for their best interest huh . ? Seriously. 

3. People who are like, “OMG! I miss you so much-must catch up soon!” when you text them or post in their facebook wall, but then in reality, they ignore you or just stare at you and quickly walk away.

4. People who always tell you to be yourself but will get mad at you when you tell them the truth.

5. People who will surely stick around with you during your brightest, but will disappear during your darkest moments. They like to be with you only when your things are going well, and disappears as soon as you need something from them.

6.Two faced, selfish, backstabber, insincere. Name it.

___________________________________________________________________

“False friends are like our shadow, keeping close to us while we walk in the sunshine, but leaving us the instant we cross into the shade.” 

Last time I checked, when I needed someone to talk to. Nobody was there. :)

(But you just got to let them go. Remember that you got nothing to lose, because you don’t lose when you lose those fake people in your life. Just remain with the people that you really know is true to you. Screw up, and see who's still there.)

- Ann Gelli

(UNTITLED) *for now.....

Every time I see you,

I want to smile and say "Hi" to you.

I want to grab you and kiss you,

and say "I love you".

I'm kind of really into you

Like i have been since the first day I saw you.
I want you to know,
But I don't wanna tell you.

Every time I see you,

My heart races.

Like a bolt of lightning.

Like a fire burning.

Stupefied. Motionless for a while.

Stop and stare.

Stop and think.

Paralyzed. Petrified.

Flabbergasted. Dumbfounded.

Every time I see you,
I die a little bit.
Felt like I've been chained.
Covered in crimson liquid.
Shattered dreams,
Shattered hopes.
Forever in my fantasy.
Will never be in my reality.

Every time I see you,
The pain lingers around my heart.
And yet, I can't break from it.

But you will never know.

You will never know,

Will you ?

ONLY FOR YOU DEAR.

Even if no one can hear you, I guess it's a good idea to put things on paper, or in a blog, because sometimes, there are things that you can't tell to anyone. Whether a happy moments, or sad, or any other emotions, just write it down, so that it is easier to sort through your thoughts. So what if nobody pays attention. 

WHO CARES ? at least you're able to express yourself. It's hard to keep things just to yourself alone. 

Yes you have your FRIENDS, but what if it's all about them ? 

So yeah. this whole thing is about that. About Friends. Well just one Friend. & it drives me crazy because I can't tell this to anyone. Okay. I hate her. I really do. But she's my friend so what can I do ?! Call me PLASTIC or whatever, but I just really hate her NOW. I don't know what went wrong. I just woke up one day starting to hate her because of every little thing she does. I don't have guts to talk to her because she's my friend. She's one of my CLOSEST friend. :( Alright, I know I should talk to her right now instead of ranting here, but I just can't. For some reason, I CAN'T :'(  

Well I have my reasons. NO. She gave me reasons !

1. She LIED to me for so many times. Just a simple lies, but helooo ? What is wrong ? What is wrong with her ! She keeps on making excuses. & what's worse  ? She keep on lying even though I already know the truth. It's okay if she doesn't want me around. It's okay if she doesn't want my presence. I'm perfectly fine with that ! Just tell the truth. Just say it straight to my face. 

( So now I realized why I can't talk to her about this stuff. Because I learned it from her.  I learned from the MASTER. )

Now we're both GREAT PRETENDERS. PLASTIC. FAKE. Name it. That's who we are right now.

FAKE FRIENDS.

2. Just because you now have your so called "LOVELIFE" , doesn't mean that you need to abandon your friends. Okay ? & to support this theory, go back to number 1. DO NOT LIE.

3. ATTENTION SEEKER.

In a very annoying way.  God. She's not like this before. What happened. ?

- EVERYTHING CHANGES. So do you.

4. DRAMA QUEEN. 

ME: 

I should include this to number 3, but hell no, I want a separate number for this one, because she's such a drama queen NOW. I thought twas only me, but I guess someone stole my crown. Well at least I'm making sense to my stories, AND, I know where & when to be such a drama queen. But to her ? Gosh. 

She's such a PRO !

 Okay friend. I get it. You have your problems, & you need a friend to talk to, & seek advice, or just simply someone who will listen. But you don't have to repeat that for like 100 times, & don't be so paranoid to think that EVERY situation is a sign for you, whether to go or not. Not everything is about you. You have your problems. I have mine. WE ALL HAVE PROBLEMS. okay ?

5. "Where the hell are you when I needed a FRIEND."

I'm always there for you. When you need help, when you need someone to talk to, when you feel like you're such a mess. I'm right there beside you . Comforting you. Texting you. Reminding you. 

BEING A FRIEND TO YOU. You know that. 

But where the hell are you when I needed a friend ? You should know when I'm upset, sad, frustrated, disappointed. You should know that because WE'RE FRIENDS. But I guess I'm the only one who does. I'm not asking for anything in return whenever I helped you, but come on. Can you just be a friend to me ? :(

6. Go back to number 1 up to number 5. Because that's what happens all the time. 

It's like a routine. a perfect routine !

_____________________________________________________________

I may be a bad friend for hating  A FRIEND of mine. But I realized, being too NICE gets you nowhere.

In the end, only few will stay right beside you. The real ones. Your REAL Friends.

 I've been so nice to her. I'm one of her REAL friend, She can attest to that. But she ruined our friendship. We can still be friends, I know. But it's going to be different. She can still trust me. That's for sure. But I don't know if I can still share everything to her. There's no TRUST issues here, but the moment she turned the tables around, It's not the same anymore. It's not the same.

Still, I'm not going to confront her. I'm not going to ask her. What I want is for her to realize everything. It takes two people to tango. You cannot do it alone. Same thing in friendship. You need to be a friend, in order for you to have a friend. It's not going to be one-sided all the time. :)

- Ann Gelli :)